I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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