u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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