My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
