We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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