I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
