I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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