im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
