somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
