If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
