I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
