So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
