The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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