I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
