I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
