Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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