I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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