never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
