Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
