Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
