Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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