You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
