My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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