im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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