I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
