It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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