you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
