Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
