i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
