I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
