You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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