My pussy is not your playground.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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