Duck Duck Cougar?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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