don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
