I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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