A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
