I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
