i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
