I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You need Xanax blowdarts
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
