i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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