You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
