I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
