I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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