Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
