I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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