I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
