make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
