I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
