She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
