he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
