I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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