i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
