I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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