I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
