very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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