How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
